Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.
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Hello, my dear. Quick answer is, follow your heart. I can't tell you whether or not you should stay with the man you love, but I can tell you it sounds like he loves you back. From what you've described, he is consistent with you, even in the things you don't like. You have expressed to him there are things you need him to do differently in order to keep you happy, but he has consistently not responded with action. If you don't love your love and life together enough to stay despite the fact that he's not showing you what you need to see, you need to make a decision for your life. You don't have children, but I find people use that as an excuse to leave a situation when leaving is not always warranted. You have built a life with this man, however long or short (you didn't tell me how long you've been married). You made a choice to commit to one another. No one can tell you to leave or stay - only you can make that choice.
What I can say is this: if you believe your husband loves you and in all other areas makes you happy, are you willing to be the planner in every aspect and live without the "surprise and romance" you desire? You have to weigh your relationship against itself. You know what it was like before him. You know what it's like with him. You know what you want from him, whether he's delivering that or not. The question is which option do you want for your life?
I can only tell you I don't believe in divorce, but your life is not my life. I don't know the weight of your unhappiness caused by his actions - or lack thereof. I don't know the feeling you get in your gut when you see him. I don't know if you back away from his touch or lean into it; but all these things are points you should consider.
I believe you will make the right choice for your life. You just have to believe you are making the right choice. Take your time, though. Don't make a choice when you're feeling frustrated or angry. Make sure whatever you choose was thoroughly thought out and you've looked at both sides of the equation.
Look at things from his point of view. Think about his love language. Ask yourself if there is a way you can express your needs in his love language so he can hear you best. Look at how he was raised and what his values are. Look at his friends and how he interacts with them.
If your man is a good man and he is worth re-evaluating your discomfort, do you love him enough to do that?
Being that I'm feeling all over the place in my own emotions, I apologize if my words seem scattered, but I wanted to respect your request and reply to you openly (Loves, she requested I respond publicly in hopes her story and situation will help someone else in need of advice on the same or a similar situation).
Please send another email if you want to talk more about it. I'm here to help in any way I can, no matter my own issues. YOU are the reason I'm doing this. My CONNECTION with you is the reason I do this. I want to be open with you all and encourage growth for all of us. I am not magical and I certainly don't have all the answers. What I do have, though, is effort and desire.
I want us all to succeed.
Let me know if there is anything else I can speak on, My Love. And I wish you a clear mind to think through your feelings and options.
~until next time